What did I learn over the course of the semester?

This semester I think the things I learned all were very relative to the course, and some of the readings, but for the most part it all is attributed to self learnings. For the most part, I really feel that I have come to terms with confrontation. Most of my life I turned my cheek when it came to confrontation, because I didnt like the animosity that came from it. With that, I also didnt like how confrontation triggers anger for those who dont know how to have a productive confrontation. I think that the number one most important learning from this course was the S-TLC system, more importantly the stopping and taking a time out. Too many times when engaging in a conflict, my temper and irrational thoughts would come out. I wouldnt give myself a chance to just think about things. I feel that taking a time-out is the most important thing for people to do when having some sort of conflict, because you really need to think about what is going on and thoughts need to be gathered. I feel that with that my relationship with my mother has become so much better. And in turn with that S-TLC has been good for me, because I have been able to relay this and help my mom as well. I really think this course can be helpful for many people and I would actually make this course a basic requirement for all Comm majors, because it really can change your life with the learnings.

Likes and Dislikes of this class

What I liked most about the class, is how we are in a sense forced to communicate with each other even though its online. I like to almost draw a picture in my head of who is who as the semester goes and I think its really cool, that through a blog we can see each others growth. I think that having this class is very convenient and I like the fact that its consistent and we know what to expect each week. The last thing I really liked about this course is how Carol, was very quick to respond to each and every one of our questions, she was very reliable and thats good to have in an online class. As far as dislikes in the course, there was only really one thing, I wish that the group could meet at least one time during the semester, just so we can put names to face. But besides that, I felt this was a really good course and I enjoyed working with Carol once again.

Ch.16 #1

I think that people feel negative about conflict, because most people are scared to confront their problems with other people, and confrontation scares people. Most people like to run away from problems just to avoid a conflict. I think that for sure the more people know about conflict they fear it less, and I say that because your more familiar with how people work. And conflict styles become more apparent. You learn strategies that allow to you face these problems comfortably and I really feel that with anything, the more you know the more confident you are about them. People fear conflict because it can be argued they have no knowledge of how to deal with it. Personally i've seen change it people with knowledge of conflict. And nothing but good things come from it, because your able to feel comfortable with approaching people of what may be of a concern to you.

Ch.12 #3

The concept I wanted to talk about from the chapter, is blaming. I really feel that blaming is such a huge part of conflict, and more so in a negative light. I think that people tend to shed blame on others and it leads to confrontation. As is says in the book, blaming is, "saying someone is at fault", now I really feel that people tend to blame other in a instant, to possibly relieve what is going on with them, and make them feel better. For more cases there is no justification for a blame, and its more so just a thought or assumption. I want to talk about the time, that I basically threw away a football game single handedly by myself, when playing in high school, I fumble 6 times, and ran for only about 25 yards, keep in mind, in my 3 previous years of high school football, I only fumbled three times, and averaged about 95 yards rushing per game. I went into the locker room at half time and was basically blaming my offensive line for not blocking and other players for not doing their job. This was in hopes to make me feel better about the terrible game I was playing, and essentially I used it as a pick me up, and it never helped. I really felt bad about this and took my teammates out for dinner, and publicly apologized to them. That was me over using blame.

Ch.10 #1

The sites I found for these words, first and foremost was wikipedia. As for forgiveness and reconciliation, both results produced bible sites, basically talking about what the word means to the uses of basically finding positive results. Revenge pretty much, all came up with tv show information stuff. I think that the term reconciliation and forgiveness produced more results, because they are in a positive light, what I mean by that is that people want to talk about the good part of confrontation which is the end result, revenge on the other hand is a dark light that society doesnt want to be seen or heard, I noticed in my search at the bottom a suggested result was revenge ideas. I found this to be really interesting because it shows that thoughts of revenge is shared and people look at those things. I found all of these searches to very interesting, and weird all at the same time.

Ch.12 #2

The one time I recall making in a sense a "false attribution" was with my ex girlfriend, and basically she was inplating lies in my head. She was making me believe that my friends were talking about me behind my back, and trying to turn me against them in her favor. It was a very bad situation because I chose to believe her and basically I came to them in the wrong was and pretty much called them out on it. I was so blind to what I was hearing that I missed the truth. It lead to a pretty big fall out between me and a few of my closest friends, and later make me really question myself and the people around me. I should have went to them first to clean up any confusion that I had, but I didnt. Later on though we sat and talked about it to relieve the problem and now things are back to normal, it for sure was a learning experience. There have been times where I have made accurate attributions about some people and it helped me in many ways because it allowed for me to distance myself from fake people. But with that said its a risk some times that you have to take, because it can go negative or in a positive way.

Ch.9 #3

The one concept that I wanted to talk about was apologies. The thought behind the term itself I feel is really thrown around without worth. I feel that people make apologies to maybe get over the hump of one thing or another. But after reading this chapter it allowed me to understand the importance of the term and how it can and should be used. The one thing that really gravitated towards me, was in the book where it states, "....as the actor's responsibility for the offense increases." And what this does is basically tells me how the person that causes the this problem, really realizes that they are in the wrong and need to take steps to fix that problem. In one instance I remember at time where I made my mother really upset and I didnt really realize the severity of what I was causing. After evaluating what was happening and seeing what I was causing and being that offender I took the time to actually propose a sincere apology to my mother, and I think that the importance or that apology was me being able to tell my mother exactly what I did wrong, so that she knew I was serious.

Ch.10 #2

For the most part I am a very forgiving person that isnt one to hold grudges or be angry at one person for a long time. When I was in high school, I was cheated on by a girlfriend of mine, not once, but twice. This particular event in my life I found really hard to forgive. What makes this type of thing so very hard is the fact that, she did it again after being given a second chance. With that being said, it also was something that was hard to forgive because our families were very close to each other. I think that this particular instant was very hard to forgive for me, because not only was I heartbroken but I feel that my trust was broken as well. Its very hard to realize this happening when you have a great relationship with a person that isnt just as a boyfriend girlfriend type, we were very good friends as well, so I thought. With that being said, I am very glad it happened at a young age, because it allowed me to learn from it and become a much stronger person.

Ch.9 #1

After taking a class with you last semester about media, and it really made me switch up the way that I posted things and how I allowed myself to be portrayed. I really feel that now I present myself very well, too many times last when I did this review of my page, I left way to much out there showing to much of my personal life that would allow people to judge. I think that now people have a good impression of me, and know that I love sports and going to the gym because of my check-in's. I always have positive status's so people will know im pretty positive. In the past there have been things I wish I never posted, and looking back it was just me being immature and short fused, and mostly had to do with girls. I think this relates to conflict and communication in many ways, and those ways I would have to see is I learned that at one point I tried to convey messages through facebook towards people. And in turn people would get mad because I wouldnt directly come to them, I learned that social networks can be an outlet, but there also needs to be a face to face communication in many cases to avoid conflict.

Ch. 8 #3

The concept I wanted to touch of from this weeks readings, is the concept of "Before Expressing Anger". In specifics I want to talk about the sub concept, of "Take Time Out". The reason I chose this was because I felt it was best that I could relate to my personal life. I took this concept and actually had to use it this past week. I found myself in a very heated argument with my mother, we were arguing over the fact of how she babies her grandchildren. And it got to a point to where things began to get personal. Then I took into consideration the take a time out concept, I just walked into my room, took a 15 minute break, walked back into the room and calmly talked to my mom about the situation. It allowed for a much more calm environment, and not only that were able to just brush off the problem and continue on with out day. This cool down process has allowed for a much more calm atmosphere in my home, and ive actually relayed this concept to my family. It hasnt really gone into a full affect, but its a slow but sure process.

Ch.8 #2

I dont want to say that I am the type of person to blow up, I feel that for the most part I express my anger if I have any, calmly. With that also being said I tend to not express these angers at all, but if I do its generally calm. I don't like to cause confrontation and I tend to push myself as far away from it as I can. I feel that the outcomes of me expressing my anger is these way, might lead me to blowing up at some point. Although I havent really felt the pressures of doing that in a long time. I can almost think of these things as like a fault line for San Jose. They havent errupted in a long time, but we all know we are due for a big one. I think that I need to take measures of expression to avoid this. Because blowing up is not anything I want to do to myself or anyone.

Ch.7 #1

I really feel that these three solutions can be very beneficial for anyone is a working environment, because we find ourselves having many different emotions while we work, we have bad days, and good ones. And the same goes for school, it really is just a day by day basis, and sometimes we cant even predict whats going to the next feeling. But I can be sure in saying that many of us stress in work and school, we come across it at all times. I feel the first solution can help in many way, in school especially, because we must find our priorities we must be able to balance and decide when its a good idea to take that break and play. I find that as a student, have friends wanting to go out and drink or dance, or just flat out get your mind off things. But its key to separate ourselves from our work and school to get our mind off things. The second solution I tend to use a lot with work and school. I feel that we must challenge ourselves at times to get things done, and treating it as a game can drive us to do things that much better. I found that when I look at my school work as a challenge against time to get things done, but having quality time spent, we can get more done. If we allow ourself to let loose and enjoy life we can then in turn enjoy our work. The third solution I seemed to be a little confused on, but I think the solution refers to us knowing that we are going to come across struggle in our lives, but we must learn to adjust when this happens and not allow for it to drag us down. I have come across much struggle, but I feel that the people around you keep you floating and keep your spirits high.

Ch.6 #2

To be in an unbalanced power relationship, differs from both sides of the relationship. On one side you have a person that is completely dominated and really had no say in much, while the other holds all of the power. I think that this type of relationship personally is very unhealthy, I can say myself that I have ever been in one. But I know people that have and it works in a negative affect for both, I feel. To have more power, you basically can walk over someone, and feel a sense of security because you know that the other person is not going anywhere because they have allowed you to dominate them in many ways. To have less power you are always in the defense getting pushed around to the point that you have no control over anything that is going on. When I earlier said that this can work in a negative affect for both people I meant it in that, if you are the dominant one in that relationship, and you or the other person leaves, that next relationship can blow up in your face, because the other person may not allow for that. For the person with no power, they may lack confidence and the willingness to speak up which in turn can push people away.

ch.6 #1

I have personally lost trust in someone, it was a girlfriend back in high school. Just as in any instance for losing trust, she cheated on me, not once, but twice. And for that I was scarred, and it affected me long term. My reaction to it at first was not to believe and give her the benefit of the doubt, but as things started to surface, that disbelief became anger. I was almost in a state of depression because I felt not only did a girlfriend cheat on me, but she was also my bestfriend. So it almost felt as if I was losing two people at once. I think that it allowed for me to take the term trust into consideration and really value it, and to whom I give it out to. It allowed me to re evauluate people in my life and find out whether they were another person or not. As far as the trust being restored, I dont think it ever was. We did meet up later down the line and tried to hangout and be friends but that wall stood in between us and there was no way it was going to come down.

Ch 6. #3

The concept I wanted to talk about is cooperation, and the way its stated in the book, it to almost forget the outcome of things, but more so the interpersonal relationship. In simple terms, what is to be done here is you need to work together and not battle to cause more of a conflict. I was to focus on win-win outcomes, and how they can be achieved and my personal experience. As in almost all my blogs I talk about being in a home with 2 sisters and much conflict occuring. One time in particular, all three of us were bumping heads about something very simple, watching tv. And we couldn't all come to agree on a mutual channel that we could all watch. My mom took it into her own hands and turned off the tv and said, "If you three cant cooperate, then no one is going to watch tv, so figure it out." And we did because the risk was higher to not watch tv and be bored, rather than figuring it out. Basically we can to the conclusion that we should just switch channels after every show to satisfy each other, and in this case we had a win-win-win. We looked at the problem, dealt with it in a calm matter, and moved on. But the key here is we did find a way to cooperate with each other, it made things easier in the future.

ch. 4 #3

When reading through this chapter, the most interesting concept to me was Listening in Conflict Situations. The reason why I chose this concept, because I feel that its the most important part in all aspects of a conflict. I really want to focus on the definition of listening. Listening is a desire to pay attention to the other person. I feel this is important because many of the conflicts people run into, they stay the necks of each other and they hear the words the other person is saying but they dont actually listen to those words. I like to relate this concept in my life to many of the battles that I have ran into with my sister at home, but how a change that I made many years ago that proved to be successful. One time me and my sister were arguing about something small that turned into something way beyond that. And I finally realized to myself, why not listen to what she is trying to say and maybe open a door to something I was hearing or realized before. And ever since then I felt that any conflict I've come across a solution is easily found and both parties are always happy.

Ch. 4 #2

Generally for myself when other people talk, I think that I do listen to what they say. But with that being said I know that in the back of my mind, my thoughts are generating. For the most part though I am concentrating on what they are saying, because its very important for me to hear what someone is saying or what point they are trying to get across to me. For most when people are talking they tend to really think about their own thoughts and the term, out of sight out of mind for me, means a lot. Because we tend to watch the mouth move and hear sounds coming out, but do we actually listen to the words and there meaning? I think personally after listening to someone, I would be able to write down what they are saying because I find myself as a listen first, process, then speak second. What I mean by that is I really analyze what someone is saying and I then will speak on the situation after I have taken in and understood what they have said.

Stopping conflict Ch. 4

For me personally I feel that I do really well with stopping conflict. I think that the key thing that most of us fail to do is, have patience. I say that easily because for myself I am a very patient person that can take a lot before blowing up. I feel that in order to stop a conflict you can go one of two routes, the first would be basically to cave in and just give up on your end to stop the bleeding. The second is not make a person feel like you are coming down on them while speaking to them about whatever the conflict is causing. Much of my life ive learned to live by the term, pick and chose your battles. I think this holds a lot of value because there are people that love to constantly be at war, and of course there is going to be times where you need to stand up and fight against something if you feel wrong. But other times you really need to evaluate a situation before jumping in. I felt that through my child hood growing up with two older sisters (as I always refer to with conflict) you learn to know that pretty much, your always wrong and you have to deal with it. I learned when a conflict arose to just walk away, and when to stand up and plead my case. I think its done a lot for me, because in life there is always going to be someone that always thinks they are right and want to cause conflicts, but not this guy.

Ch. 11 Fractioning Framing........

All of these things that are being talked about that pertain to this question are all different techniques in mediation. Fraction just like it sounds breaks down problem, and makes them smaller and a lot more reasonable to deal with. What this does is, allows the mediator to have a easier job in figuring out and solving a problem. Framing is when the mediator uses a number of questions that allows him/her that allow the confronter's to state their case and give the mediator a chance to hear each side of the story to allow a solution to come easier. Reframing bounces of framing, and basically what it does, is allow the mediator to restate what one or the other person is saying, and make it sound in a more neutral sense to the other person. Lastly, common ground is when uses multiple techniques with a number of things that each party value, it allows them to meet a mutual agreement, and solve what problem is at hand.

ch. 11 Q2

I think that as most of us are communication majors, we should be great mediators, but on the other hand for lawyers and psychotherapist, they will have a tough time. As communication majors I feel we have been taught many techniques along with learning how to see many situations, how they should be addressed, and the following process's. We have been taught about the mediation process, and that allows us to be in a neutral position with no choosing of a favorite side. Our goal as communicators is to fix a problem between two sides with the best judgement at hand. I feel this favors us as communication majors/mediators, because the goal is to allow not only for mediation, but for both parties to feel a fair, neutral decision. Lawyers on the other hand, are people that are taught to fight for a client, weather knowing if they are guilty or innocent. Their goal as a whole is to win a case, no matter what that may entail, or what comes to follow by either party. Mediators are to fix problems and conflict, the reason lawyers don't fit in that is because they are to chose a side and build their case, rather that looking at both sides and resolving. Psychotherapists would have a really tough time of being a mediator, because they are to help a person(s) to fix their problems mentally, and they do whatever steps needed to fix them. The cater to their patient and their goal is to always make them feel good, and not basically continue to go crazy. They go on with a choice of what they feel can help a patient, without really consulting them so fix it.

Ch.11

The one concept that I wanted to talk about from this chapter was "The Role of Mediator". I found this to be really important in this chapter because in life I feel too many people take a defensive role in life when it comes confrontation. And we need more people to take the role of mediator, but as it states in the book, it must be somewhat that remains neutral. I find this very important because you need to be able to see all aspects of what may be going on with no favoritism to either person. I felt that in the book it made a really important point that as being a mediator, you must promote equality. This is important because it shows that your willing to look at all sides of whats going on. You need to believe both stories while they are being presented whether you feel untrue or not because that allows you to not lean either way until both stories are complete and evaluated. I relate this to me because in a house of all woman I have found myself being the mediator plenty of times, and the one thing I learned is dont play favoritism because you will find yourself in a hold especially if you live with the people. I found that no grudges are held if your decision is found to be neutral and genuine.

Ch.3 Q#3

The concept that I chose to talk about is passive-aggressive communication, I found this to very interesting concept that I somewhat knew about but, this chapter allowed me to further have a better understanding. So to explain as stated in the book, passive-aggressive communication can be somewhat of a blind, affective message. For example I can make you think that im avoiding conflict, and accommodating to that other person, but in all actuality I would be having the intention of hurting that person. This is a very devious scheme that I have dealt with in my life before. When I was in high school I had a "friend" and this person made me believe that they were all about me, and would openly agree with me in certain situations, only to find out that this person, was trying to get close and get all the information they could from me to turn it on me, and not only stab me in the back, but ruin what I thought was a great friendship. This person used many ways to get to me, to find a way to hurt me. I think that people that do this purposely are terrible people.

Ch.3 Q#2

So this is a very hot debate that has been going on for a long time about the discipline of children, and how it is used. To me personally and after taking a look through the chapter, I think that there is two fine lines between discipline and abuse, and to me it is simple. The use of discipline, is to teach a lesson, and or prove a point to a child so that they learn not to make that same mistake again. Now abuse is the intention to hurt a child, and not only hurting but in many cases causes mental scars. I think that the point when parents over step and are actually abusing their children, is when they feel that they need to beat a point into their child. I as a child was disciplined by being spanked and things of that nature, but I did learn what I did wrong. I also had things taken away and was grounded, so there are alternatives. In the field that I work in, which is child care, I feel there are 2 things that distinguish harsh punishment, and I think its looking to cause pain, which was my first, and the second which is hitting a child with a closed fist. What can also be mentioned, is mental and emotional abuse as well. Some parents don't realize how strong their words are and how they can long term damage a child, and I think the over stepping their is when they have an intent to make things personal. Which no parent should do.

Ch.3

Question #1
I feel that personally, I do tend to one orientation over another when it comes to conflict. Naturally we want to think that our opinion is always the correct one, and are biased towards other opinions. I feel that the one thing we fail to do is look at the overall situations and look at all the other reasons that might prove our own opinion to be wrong. Personally I like to completely look over the whole situation and look at all possibilities before I make a point one way or another in a conflict. I am very satisfied with this orientation of hear all before moving forward, because it allows for the the conflict to be resolved in a good way, and in good terms. I think after the readings I can say there are exceptions, because in some cases the other person is wrong and if you allow them to continue to think they are correct it more than likely will cause further conflict later on down the line.

Productive Conflict

I wanted to talk about the concept of Productive Conflict, because I feel it relates to me very well. This type of conflict is very important, because I feel it allows a person bring up a problem, openly talk about it, solve, and just move on with no ill will. To many people these days get very bitter and hold grudges, and honestly its not needed. I feel it helps to have a very open mind in order to achieve a Productive Conflict, because you need to be willing to hear the other person out and see what their side of the story is. It mentions in the book about outcomes, and I think just as it says in the book, that they can develop as the conflict continues. This can be good and bad, good because it can allow you to try and sort out all problems completely and bad because it can cause more conflict. I like to relate this to the relationship me and my sister have, because I feel that we have Productive Conflicts, we do a very good job of communicating whats bothering each other and make sure that in the end, when solved, that there is no ill will. Because thats the point of communicating and figuring out the problem, isnt it? To fix what was broken before. I think this is very vital in all people and most importantly a relationship of any kind.

CH.2

I feel that the non process view of conflict was very interesting, the 5 step process allows for many people to really take a look at a conflict, completely and reflect. Most people dont take the chance to look at all the steps before reaction, thus allowing them to possible pre fire or make things very bitter in that conflict. I myself am very open to conflict itself. I dont mind voicing my words if I have to, but my low point in that is, I dont really overview the situation. This can cause for me to think conflict is one sided and im always right, which tends to be the case. Although I know I can possibly be wrong I dont allow it. The one upside to me is knowing that there is no triggering phase with me, I dont allow myself to blow up, although things happen that can spark an argument, for me its a process that may build up, but I dont blow up. Over all I think this is a very interesting topic that I think many people should read about because it may just fix minor problems that turn into huge ones.

Ch.1

Personally I think that having an instinct for conflict isn't something that you are born with, I feel that its gained throughout time, with your back round, or what has happened to you in your life. As far as if it makes you more or less a human? No, and I say that because all of us humans have different abilities, mean we all come from different places and are taught different things. Some of us may be happy, some sad, naturally its just how they may be, no real change in their status as a human being. I really believe that conflict is something that is gained over time and isn't innate, but if it is, I guess you could say it is a valuable trait. Many people don't do well with a conflict, most try and run away from, and avoid it as best as possible. I think that those that are able to deal with it have a knack in the world, and honestly are people that can change a lot thats going on due to the mass amounts of conflict surrounding us in this world today.

Coms 115 Intro!

Hey guys! My name is Anthony Teschera, I am in my second semester here at SJSU, I transferred from Sacramento St. I was born and raised here in San Jose, and went to Sac St. to play baseball. But I got hurt, and now i'm back to finish up school. I am that in between Junior and Senior year, and am a Coms Major. To tell a little about myself, I love to travel, some of the places Ive been internationally is Jamaica, The Bahamas, all over Mexico, and in October im going to Europe. I also traveled a lot while playing baseball, ive been to Hawaii, up and down California, New York, Florida, Texas, Arizona, Puerto Rico, and other places. I look forward to working with you all in this class, and getting to know you all here through blogging and d2l. Take care and talk to you all soon!

-Anthony Teschera