ch. 4 #3

When reading through this chapter, the most interesting concept to me was Listening in Conflict Situations. The reason why I chose this concept, because I feel that its the most important part in all aspects of a conflict. I really want to focus on the definition of listening. Listening is a desire to pay attention to the other person. I feel this is important because many of the conflicts people run into, they stay the necks of each other and they hear the words the other person is saying but they dont actually listen to those words. I like to relate this concept in my life to many of the battles that I have ran into with my sister at home, but how a change that I made many years ago that proved to be successful. One time me and my sister were arguing about something small that turned into something way beyond that. And I finally realized to myself, why not listen to what she is trying to say and maybe open a door to something I was hearing or realized before. And ever since then I felt that any conflict I've come across a solution is easily found and both parties are always happy.

Ch. 4 #2

Generally for myself when other people talk, I think that I do listen to what they say. But with that being said I know that in the back of my mind, my thoughts are generating. For the most part though I am concentrating on what they are saying, because its very important for me to hear what someone is saying or what point they are trying to get across to me. For most when people are talking they tend to really think about their own thoughts and the term, out of sight out of mind for me, means a lot. Because we tend to watch the mouth move and hear sounds coming out, but do we actually listen to the words and there meaning? I think personally after listening to someone, I would be able to write down what they are saying because I find myself as a listen first, process, then speak second. What I mean by that is I really analyze what someone is saying and I then will speak on the situation after I have taken in and understood what they have said.

Stopping conflict Ch. 4

For me personally I feel that I do really well with stopping conflict. I think that the key thing that most of us fail to do is, have patience. I say that easily because for myself I am a very patient person that can take a lot before blowing up. I feel that in order to stop a conflict you can go one of two routes, the first would be basically to cave in and just give up on your end to stop the bleeding. The second is not make a person feel like you are coming down on them while speaking to them about whatever the conflict is causing. Much of my life ive learned to live by the term, pick and chose your battles. I think this holds a lot of value because there are people that love to constantly be at war, and of course there is going to be times where you need to stand up and fight against something if you feel wrong. But other times you really need to evaluate a situation before jumping in. I felt that through my child hood growing up with two older sisters (as I always refer to with conflict) you learn to know that pretty much, your always wrong and you have to deal with it. I learned when a conflict arose to just walk away, and when to stand up and plead my case. I think its done a lot for me, because in life there is always going to be someone that always thinks they are right and want to cause conflicts, but not this guy.

Ch. 11 Fractioning Framing........

All of these things that are being talked about that pertain to this question are all different techniques in mediation. Fraction just like it sounds breaks down problem, and makes them smaller and a lot more reasonable to deal with. What this does is, allows the mediator to have a easier job in figuring out and solving a problem. Framing is when the mediator uses a number of questions that allows him/her that allow the confronter's to state their case and give the mediator a chance to hear each side of the story to allow a solution to come easier. Reframing bounces of framing, and basically what it does, is allow the mediator to restate what one or the other person is saying, and make it sound in a more neutral sense to the other person. Lastly, common ground is when uses multiple techniques with a number of things that each party value, it allows them to meet a mutual agreement, and solve what problem is at hand.

ch. 11 Q2

I think that as most of us are communication majors, we should be great mediators, but on the other hand for lawyers and psychotherapist, they will have a tough time. As communication majors I feel we have been taught many techniques along with learning how to see many situations, how they should be addressed, and the following process's. We have been taught about the mediation process, and that allows us to be in a neutral position with no choosing of a favorite side. Our goal as communicators is to fix a problem between two sides with the best judgement at hand. I feel this favors us as communication majors/mediators, because the goal is to allow not only for mediation, but for both parties to feel a fair, neutral decision. Lawyers on the other hand, are people that are taught to fight for a client, weather knowing if they are guilty or innocent. Their goal as a whole is to win a case, no matter what that may entail, or what comes to follow by either party. Mediators are to fix problems and conflict, the reason lawyers don't fit in that is because they are to chose a side and build their case, rather that looking at both sides and resolving. Psychotherapists would have a really tough time of being a mediator, because they are to help a person(s) to fix their problems mentally, and they do whatever steps needed to fix them. The cater to their patient and their goal is to always make them feel good, and not basically continue to go crazy. They go on with a choice of what they feel can help a patient, without really consulting them so fix it.

Ch.11

The one concept that I wanted to talk about from this chapter was "The Role of Mediator". I found this to be really important in this chapter because in life I feel too many people take a defensive role in life when it comes confrontation. And we need more people to take the role of mediator, but as it states in the book, it must be somewhat that remains neutral. I find this very important because you need to be able to see all aspects of what may be going on with no favoritism to either person. I felt that in the book it made a really important point that as being a mediator, you must promote equality. This is important because it shows that your willing to look at all sides of whats going on. You need to believe both stories while they are being presented whether you feel untrue or not because that allows you to not lean either way until both stories are complete and evaluated. I relate this to me because in a house of all woman I have found myself being the mediator plenty of times, and the one thing I learned is dont play favoritism because you will find yourself in a hold especially if you live with the people. I found that no grudges are held if your decision is found to be neutral and genuine.

Ch.3 Q#3

The concept that I chose to talk about is passive-aggressive communication, I found this to very interesting concept that I somewhat knew about but, this chapter allowed me to further have a better understanding. So to explain as stated in the book, passive-aggressive communication can be somewhat of a blind, affective message. For example I can make you think that im avoiding conflict, and accommodating to that other person, but in all actuality I would be having the intention of hurting that person. This is a very devious scheme that I have dealt with in my life before. When I was in high school I had a "friend" and this person made me believe that they were all about me, and would openly agree with me in certain situations, only to find out that this person, was trying to get close and get all the information they could from me to turn it on me, and not only stab me in the back, but ruin what I thought was a great friendship. This person used many ways to get to me, to find a way to hurt me. I think that people that do this purposely are terrible people.

Ch.3 Q#2

So this is a very hot debate that has been going on for a long time about the discipline of children, and how it is used. To me personally and after taking a look through the chapter, I think that there is two fine lines between discipline and abuse, and to me it is simple. The use of discipline, is to teach a lesson, and or prove a point to a child so that they learn not to make that same mistake again. Now abuse is the intention to hurt a child, and not only hurting but in many cases causes mental scars. I think that the point when parents over step and are actually abusing their children, is when they feel that they need to beat a point into their child. I as a child was disciplined by being spanked and things of that nature, but I did learn what I did wrong. I also had things taken away and was grounded, so there are alternatives. In the field that I work in, which is child care, I feel there are 2 things that distinguish harsh punishment, and I think its looking to cause pain, which was my first, and the second which is hitting a child with a closed fist. What can also be mentioned, is mental and emotional abuse as well. Some parents don't realize how strong their words are and how they can long term damage a child, and I think the over stepping their is when they have an intent to make things personal. Which no parent should do.

Ch.3

Question #1
I feel that personally, I do tend to one orientation over another when it comes to conflict. Naturally we want to think that our opinion is always the correct one, and are biased towards other opinions. I feel that the one thing we fail to do is look at the overall situations and look at all the other reasons that might prove our own opinion to be wrong. Personally I like to completely look over the whole situation and look at all possibilities before I make a point one way or another in a conflict. I am very satisfied with this orientation of hear all before moving forward, because it allows for the the conflict to be resolved in a good way, and in good terms. I think after the readings I can say there are exceptions, because in some cases the other person is wrong and if you allow them to continue to think they are correct it more than likely will cause further conflict later on down the line.

Productive Conflict

I wanted to talk about the concept of Productive Conflict, because I feel it relates to me very well. This type of conflict is very important, because I feel it allows a person bring up a problem, openly talk about it, solve, and just move on with no ill will. To many people these days get very bitter and hold grudges, and honestly its not needed. I feel it helps to have a very open mind in order to achieve a Productive Conflict, because you need to be willing to hear the other person out and see what their side of the story is. It mentions in the book about outcomes, and I think just as it says in the book, that they can develop as the conflict continues. This can be good and bad, good because it can allow you to try and sort out all problems completely and bad because it can cause more conflict. I like to relate this to the relationship me and my sister have, because I feel that we have Productive Conflicts, we do a very good job of communicating whats bothering each other and make sure that in the end, when solved, that there is no ill will. Because thats the point of communicating and figuring out the problem, isnt it? To fix what was broken before. I think this is very vital in all people and most importantly a relationship of any kind.

CH.2

I feel that the non process view of conflict was very interesting, the 5 step process allows for many people to really take a look at a conflict, completely and reflect. Most people dont take the chance to look at all the steps before reaction, thus allowing them to possible pre fire or make things very bitter in that conflict. I myself am very open to conflict itself. I dont mind voicing my words if I have to, but my low point in that is, I dont really overview the situation. This can cause for me to think conflict is one sided and im always right, which tends to be the case. Although I know I can possibly be wrong I dont allow it. The one upside to me is knowing that there is no triggering phase with me, I dont allow myself to blow up, although things happen that can spark an argument, for me its a process that may build up, but I dont blow up. Over all I think this is a very interesting topic that I think many people should read about because it may just fix minor problems that turn into huge ones.